#my relationship with fandom has become extremely complicated over the years

[wiredalienvampire]

Being in the fandom of an obscure/niche piece of media is a double edged sword to me.

At first it would feel a bit lonely and dead with how small the fandom is and it's sad to see hoe little attention that media gets because of how obscure it is

But at the same time tho as someone who has been in niche fandoms and has watched that fandom turn into a discourse ridden cesspool TWICE once it started to get a bigger, you kinda appreciate that it's as small as it is because it's easier to find people who are insane in a silly way and not an asshole way and your experience in it is much easier to curate for the sake of your well being

[utilitycaster]

re: an earlier ask, what are your gripes with lifespan angst? at worst I'm, like, mildly uninterested, but I don't have many strong opinions on it - curious to see if you might convince me otherwise.

My core issue with lifespan angst is that it tends to go hand in hand with fandoms' disregard for second (or third, or fourth) loves - people really lean hard into the idea that you get ONE soulmate and if they die young you are tragically alone forever to grieve, instead of embracing two truths: first, lots of people lose partners very young in real life. One of my grandmothers outlived her husband (my grandfather, who died when I was about a year old) by over twenty years, and he didn't die terribly young. I know multiple people, including a relative, who lost a fiance in their late 20s or early 30s. The idea of outliving a partner by decades is totally normal in our real world and to act like this is a world-shattering epic tragedy instead of one of the many smaller, realer, and more complicated tragedies that exist in real life is in my opinion quite childish, melodramatic, and ultimately not as interesting as the truth.

To that point I think a lot of people who are super into lifespan angst are just...people who are more interested in romantic angst than character or story, and see characters as like, an epi-pen injector of The Feels instead of as interesting concepts moving throughout a realized world, and their writing suffers as a result.

I also feel it's often grafted onto relationships that don't really have them. The reason Keyleth is exempted is because she has SUCH a long lifespan AND she thinks about this in canon, which makes sense, because she becomes a L20 Druid at age like, 23, and then her partner IMMEDIATELY dies very young! But like...Caleb and Essek? I would imagine they are very realistic about Caleb's lifespan vs. Essek's, particularly since Essek comes from a culture where this is extremely common (and half elves in the Empire aren't rare either; I don't know if Caleb thought about it personally but culturally, elf and human relationships are normal). I also found a lot of the people who were like "omg lifespan angst" seem to think that like, age 50 is decrepit; and for Caleb and Essek they tended to sort of not consider the possibility of nonmonogamy even though Caleb canonically has been in a poly relationship. Like it feels it's almost always comorbid with other bad takes, in addition to being a bad take itself.

Mildly uninterested is not a bad way to be; I tend towards strong opinions for better or for worse, and if your attitude is more go with the flow that is probably a good trait to have, but yeah, it just. takes relationships I really enjoy and distills them down into something reductive and weird and often ageist and overly afraid of talking about death and finding new love again, and I love talking about death and loss and grief in a way that isn't cheap angst but is actually real.

[kywaslost]

What’s up. I too have gotten hooked on Black Butler. After 3 years of not being in the fandom anymore. I have a fanfic idea for you.It’s a Ciel x reader so it’s going to be more on the angst side but still fluffy and funny if you look at it from an angle. It’s Ciel. C’mon.

So basically the reader is very similar to him. Being that she also has intense trauma and is extremely stoic and cold. On the other hand she’s also considered eerie and ominous looking. Soon Ciel after a while starts having feeling for the reader, he sees her as someone who understands him completely and fully. Ciel starts showing that he’s interested in being in a more intimate relationship with the reader other then just being partners. The reader of course rejects all these moves even though she also likes him, not only because he’s engaged but because she knows he’s a manipulator. After a long time of driving Sebastian insane with the pinning and rejecting, Lizzy finds out about Ciel’s feelings for the reader and confronts both of them. She’s lightly bitterly and is crying at first but she does want Ciel to be happy and is good friends with the reader (and she’s an Angel) so she doesn’t hold him back. Now the reader and Ciel are in a situation where they can show there feeling for each other freely but have no idea where to start.

Just so that you have a small reference to what I mean by a stoic and eerie looking reader I have a drawing of my Black Butler OC that you can take notes from (you don’t have to just here if you want lmfao)

Thank you, hopefully it’s not too long or complicated. You don’t have to write this if you don’t feel comfortable enough just tell me if you’re not going to write it or not. Have a good day!

Troubled Love - Ciel Phantomhive

A/N: I’m so sorry this took so long! This is a long one that I wanted to take time on and work on when I felt like I could write this to the best of my ability. First of all, your drawing is ABSOLUTELY GORGEOUS!!! I’m literally in love with it! I hope this turned out ok! I also completely skipped over the part where the reader is an angel and didn’t see it until I finished this, so I hope it’s ok that I left that bit out. Let me know if you’d like me to rewrite this properly <3

Warning/s: mentions of night terrors, mentions of panic attacks (no descriptions)

You had met the Earl Phantomhive around the time his parents had passed. You had met the Phantomhive through the grapevine of the Queen’s ‘guard dogs’, and didn’t really get to know the young boy until he returned, demon butler by his side. It was then the two of you were paired for missions. The Queen saw similarities between the two of you, and thought it would be well for you to become friends with the Earl.

You see, due to your past, you weren’t the most sociable person out there. You preferred to keep to yourself, and refrained from interacting with others as much as you could. It played in your favor that most feared you, both due to your reputation with the queen as well as the way you presented yourself. It was almost as if no one could touch you.

Until you officially met Ciel. The two of you worked well together. What you lacked in skill and intelligence, he made up for, and vice versa. It also helped that Sebastian was there. In fact, the demon butler and his master took a liking to you, even going as far as inviting you to stay at the Estate when they learned that you didn’t have an official residence. You agreed hesitantly. While you were comfortable around the two, you couldn’t bear the thought of being vulnerable around them. You were traumatized at a young age, leaving you plagued with nightmares and flashbacks from time to time. Opening yourself up to Ciel was a huge step for you, one you were unsure how to handle.

Ciel, on the other hand, was ecstatic. He’d never admit it, partially due to his personality and partially due to his engagement to Lizzy, but the Earl had begun developing feelings for you. It was more than a petty middle school crush that other boys his age experienced. He had been feeling this way for quite some time now, and couldn’t quite name his emotions until he spoke of it with Sebastian. It was worth the endless teasing that lasted weeks, but Ciel had now finally realized how much he truly loved you. And now you’re going to be living with him.

Ciel was unsure of how to show his love for you without a) making it obvious, and b) letting Lizzy know. Don’t get him wrong, Ciel truly did like Lizzy and he didn’t want to do anything to hurt her, but he loved you more than her. The boy opted to spend time with you doing small things, such as reading together or just simply sitting in the same room as you as the two of you worked separately. You were hesitant of all this at first, because you were used to being alone so often, but over time you became more comfortable.

This time spent between the two of you went from silence to small chatter. Ciel would ask how your day has been, and you’d answer then return the question. It took months of living together and getting accustomed to each other’s emotions to begin discussing deeper topics. You were both severely traumatized children who never learned how to cope with said trauma. Sure, Ciel had Sebastian, but he was a demon and therefore was incapable of feeling human emotions. So he tried talking to you.

Ciel wouldn’t ever say much about the death of his family or the events that came afterwards, but he wanted to be vulnerable around you. The boy hoped that this would bring the two of you even closer, and then he’d be comfortable enough to confess his love for you. Except every time he tried to have a deep conversation, you would turn him down almost immediately. There was one week in particular when you were having vivid night terrors, causing you to get only a few hours of sleep a night. You would wake up screaming until you couldn’t anymore, and often suffered intense panic attacks afterwards. Usually Sebastian would try and help but you would only push him away, barely muttering about how you were alright and didn’t need any help.

These night terrors always woke Ciel, and after the third night he came bursting into your room in the place of Sebastian. He desperately tried to calm you down, to try and talk to you, but you refused his help. It broke his heart to see you this way, and to know that you were unwilling to accept his help hurt him even more. How could the two of you be together if you wouldn’t let him help you?

The next day during breakfast, Ciel offered to let you speak to him anytime about anything you needed. Whether it be to get something off of your chest, or just to rant about anything, he would be there for you. You weren’t sure how you felt about his offer, so you only nodded and took a bite of your food.

The Earl Phantomhive invited you on an afternoon walk after dinner. At first you hesitantly agreed, only because Sebastian would be following closely. Yet once you saw the extravagant clothing the boy was wearing, you quickly retreated back to your room and feigned illness. It took some convincing, but Ciel finally left you to ‘recover’. In reality, you curled up on the floor, leaning against the door as you silently cried to yourself. 

You were so torn between your emotions. It was blatantly obvious that Ciel saw you as more than just a friend, and he wanted to take your relationship to the next level. You wondered if your own emotions were just as easy to see. You wouldn’t admit it just yet, but you were beginning to fall for Ciel yourself. Although you hadn’t opened up much to the boy, it was easy to feel comfortable and see him. The two of you shared similar pasts, and you hadn’t met anyone else that made you feel as safe and comfortable as the Earl did. 

Despite your feelings for the boy, there was one major red flag following closely behind him. Ciel was a master manipulator. It was clear as day that Ciel knew just how to act to get what he wanted, knew what to say to get his way. You weren’t even sure if he had manipulated you at some point, he was that good. Oh, and he’s also engaged.

You wanted to take Ciel up on all of his romantic gestures. You wanted to go on late night walks with him, go to balls (even though neither of you particularly enjoyed them), or even just spend the evening together almost every night of the week. Yet you couldn’t bring yourself to give in to the urge.

This carried on for months. Ciel would ‘discreetly’ ask you out on small dates, and you would turn him down and most commonly retreat to your room. Once you left, Ciel’s small smile would fall and he would immediately turn to Sebastian with downcast eyes.

Sebastian was the only one Ciel could confess to at this point. He couldn’t go to Izzy, obviously, and he couldn’t go to you, so he was left with his demon butler. It was a part of their bedtime routine now. Sebastian would dress Ciel for bed, asking him about his day and his plans for the next. Ciel would grumble about paperwork before quickly changing the subject to his failed attempts of asking you out. He’d seek advice from the demon before turning in for the night. 

It wasn’t until six months after Ciel’s first attempt to ask you out that Lizzy was caught in the crossfire. It wasn’t intentional, and Ciel would have never said anything if he were aware of her presence. 

Lizzy had planned another surprise visit and stay at the Phantomhive Manor. She had arrived later than expected due to an extreme thunderstorm causing a delay in travel. Upon arriving at the manor, she let herself in and immediately ran to where she assumed Ciel would be in his study as her maid carried in her baggage. Lizzy quickly but silently ran to Ciel’s study, throwing open the door.

“Ciel!” she squealed in the highest pitch her voice could achieve. “Supri– oh.” Lizzy frowned slightly when she noticed the empty room. It looked as though Ciel hadn’t been there in a while. Shaking her head, the girl grinned widely yet again when she could hear faint voices coming from down the hall. Upon further expectation, she realized the voices were coming from the library. 

Elizabeth wasted no time in bursting into the room rather loudly, causing you and Ciel to quite literally jump out of your seats with fear. Ciel’s hand even ghosted over the firearm he had tucked into his boot. 

“Ciel!” Lizzy squeals again. She runs over to the two of you, about to tackle the poor boy in a hug before realizing what was going on between the two of you. 

You had to admit, this wasn’t the ideal position to see your fiance and your best friend in. It wasn't anything too terrible, but it could definitely raise some questions. You were practically laying in Ciel’s lap, your legs draped over his as your head rested against his shoulder. A book rested against your legs where Ciel was reading to you a mere moment ago. You both were dressed in your night clothes, and overall this was a very rare sight of Ciel. 

Lizzy’s smile immediately dropped to a deep frown, her bright green eyes welling with tears. “Y/N? Ciel? What’s going on?”

You jumped out of Ciel’s lap and to the other side of the couch. Your heart was beating out of your chest, fear coursing through your veins. This is exactly why you never wanted to act on your feelings for Ciel, for fear of ruining not only his relationship with Lizzy, but also your own. “Lizzy,” Ciel says quickly, standing and tossing the forgotten book onto the couch. He tried to reach out to the girl but she only took a step back and wiped at her eyes.

“I should have seen it coming,” she chokes through a broken cry. “I knew this day would come.” It takes a moment for Lizzy to calm herself down, but she wipes the last of her tears away as Ciel tries to comfort her.

“It’s ok,” she cuts him off from his senseless babbling, pushing his outstretched arms away. “I’ve known for a long time that this day would come.” Glossy green eyes met your e/c ones as she smiled softly. “I can see how much the two of you love each other,” she confesses. “And as much as I love the two of you, I can’t bear knowing I am what is keeping you from being together.” Lizzy’s gaze shifted to her fiance. “I love you Ciel. So much that I want you to be happy.” Her warm hands slowly reached for his own, giving them a gentle squeeze. “So I’m ending our engagement.” Pressing one last kiss against Ciel’s cheek, Lizzy let go. 

“I can only hope the best for the two of you.” Just like that, she was gone.

You and Ciel couldn’t bear to look at each other, let alone speak. You weren’t sure how to feel. You finally had the freedom to be with the man you were learning to love, yet at what cost? Did you just lose your best friend? What do you know? Ciel was asking himself the same questions. But it didn’t take long for him to drop beside you back on the couch, slowly turning to you. 

“What do we do now?” you asked, voice barely above a whisper. 

“I don’t know,” Ciel confessed. “To be honest, I think I need some time to process this.”

You nodded, then stood quickly. “Of course, I understand.” You retreated back to your bedroom as soon as possible, diving under the covers and staring at the ceiling. You were finally free to express your love for Ciel, yet unsure what the next steps were. It was going to take time to figure out your relationship status with the Earl, and what to do next, but it will be worth the wait.

[ambrosiagourmet]

Gimme a Kabru for the ask meme

Ahhhh hi I'm still doing this I will finish them let's go

Kabru!!

First impression

Once again gonna go for a pre-reading impression, bc honestly I really think the fandom osmosis impression I got was so off imho. So, Kabru first impression:

what if there was a hater. in the dungeon. :0

Impression now

I LOVE HIM... He's constantly agonizing over everything he does and the impact it could have and the big picture and its gonna burn him out completely someday if he doesn't slow down and realize he's allowed to live for himself sometimes. In a story chock full of survivor's guilt he is Mister Survivor's Guilt. He feels like he needs to do something to earn his existence, and that's such a heavy burden he has put on himself. Ough.

Favorite moment

There are a ton of little parts from the story that I love, but I actually want to highlight this bit from one of the Adventurer's Bible comics that lives with me:

I don't know, there's just something... something about it. Allowing Mithrun the privacy of his own story is such a strange kindness. Who else but Kabru could have thought to provide it?

Kabru, who wears Utaya across his shoulders everywhere he goes, but also never shares much about his mom, his food, the things he misses from Utaya. Or the superstitions about his eye color, and the ways that even the place he misses most wasn't always a kind home to him. Kabru, who has learned exactly how to cut up the piece of his own story in order to be able to hold the weight of them all and do the things he needs to do.

Kabru looks at Mithrun, someone who doesn't have the ability to care for himself, and provides this service to him. Offers him privacy. Privacy. The people around Mithrun have cared for him for years, but who has given him this?? Food, sleep, water, basic hygiene... but Mithrun deserves dignities beyond that too, even if he isn't able to ask for them.

And Kabru takes his eye for creating palatable stories, which he has often used to make himself fit in or force himself through unpleasant things, and uses it to help Mithrun in a way that no one else had.

Idea for a story

I don't have anything super specific here, just a GREAT DESIRE for post-canon Kabru stuff. I want to see him and Marcille become friends. I want to see him struggle to figure himself out now that his driving motive has been resolved. I want to see him forced to consider that he can't always do things for the Bigger Picture. I want to see how his relationships with his party members change. I want to see the adventures of the Laios - Marcille - Kabru trio. Pleaaaaaaase

Unpopular opinion

He's not just a hater in a dungeon.......

Like for sure his feelings about Laios are complicated and boy can they include Haterism, but also he is like the only person who vouches for Laios at certain points. Kabru intentionally chooses to have faith in him at several key moments, and the ending of the story hinges upon that faith.

I think he's got a very black and white way of looking at things sometimes, and he likes to be in control. This is where the haterism can come in.

BUT there's so much more than just that to him. Kabru is an extremely caring person in general. He notices details about people and often uses those observations to care for them - Mithrun in the example above, for instance, or the way that he thinks about how hard it would be for Rin to go back to the elves when considering whether to hand the dungeon over to them. He has a strong sense of justice. He is loyal to his promises.

I just wish those elements of his personality were given more significance in the fandom :/

Favorite relationship

Gotta go with him and Mithrun here. They bring out such interesting sides to each other. Some of my favorite moments are them surviving in the dungeon together, and of course that comic is one of my fave moments. The way Kabru understands him and continually chooses to use that understanding to provide kindness and support to Mithrun... it's good.

But also I think that Mithrun gets to a core part of Kabru that Kabru usually tries to keep hidden. Some part of the survivor's guilt, I think... the way Kabru is driven by a sense of obligation to a thing he Cannot Ever Bring Back.

They both pull something out of the other that no one else does, at least over the course of the story.

Favorite headcanon

Hmmmmm... does "he and Marcille will be besties someday" count? I think it counts. I love the idea of them being gossip-heads.

[satoru-is-the-way]

Din Djarin x Reader

My Fandom Master List for Din Stories and more!

 A/N: SPOILERS FOR MANDALORIAN SEASON 3! I loved the first episodes so decided to make a little fanfic over Episode One!

Warnings: IMPLIED SMUT, MENTIONS OF SMUT, and angst

Summary: On Nevarro Greef Karga offers (Y/n) and Din a working position and a nice home to become a 'family'. However they both want different things.

"A Home"

Don't you know I'm no good for you?

I've learned to lose you, can't afford to

Tore my shirt to stop you bleedin'

But nothin' ever stops you leavin'

Quiet when I'm comin' home and I'm on my own

I could lie, say I like it like that..

"His name is Grogu." (Y/n) (L/n) and Din Djarin replied in sync.

"If you say so. Now come I want to show you something." High Magistrate Greef Karga waved their corrections and ventured back into his office. He walled around his desk and with one quick hand motion a hologram appears depicting a map of his town.

"There is a beautiful parcel right here down by the flats." Greef points to the sector which lights up correspondingly. (Y/n) eyes carefully evaluated the sector. A perfect home they could make. Nevarro's economy is accelerating beyond what (Y/n) would have imagined. Not only this but they are independent of the New Republic. This area would be for raising their child. It was obviously to Greef that (Y/n) liked the appeal of settling down. However before she could answer Din voiced his wants, as always.

"I appreciate the offer," Din shook his head ," But We have some matters to look after." At this Greef's eyebrows knit.

"I am confused...I thought you both completed your mission but here you are running around with the same little critter." He glanced towards Grogu. The child meanwhile enjoyed his new discovery, the office chair, using his force abilities to spin himself.

"It's more complicated. We completed our quest but a year later Grogu returned to us." Din sighed stopping the chair. Grogu made a noise of protest, "I removed my helmet and now I'm an apostate." He finished. (Y/n) glanced down at the map once more.

Their relationship had been complicated. She had accompanied Din and Grogu since day one. It had been the two, a clan of three, traveling the galaxy in search of a Jedi master. Over this period feelings are bound to form. Many assumed they were a couple and Grogu is their adopted son. That is not far from the truth. While both are quite aware of their feelings neither has yet made a move to become 'official' She remembered vividly the day he removed his helmet, the day they lost Grogu, and they day he finally took her in the bed. To feel him move inside of her. Their lips hunger, deprived and starved. That had been their first and only time in sexual intercourse. After that, it was simple hand-holding, cuddling, and he did not remove his helmet since. But they talked about a future, a family, so when Grogu returned on Tatooine (Y/n) figured this was the galaxy's way of telling her the time is now. Plus Greef is handing them an elegant home for free?!

"Which is all the more reason for you both to stay here. Where you are from, Din, you are an apostate. But here you would be landed gentry." Greef argued. "You two could be stable and this little guy can grow up here. Go to school and be a normal kid."

"It's worth a look." (Y/n) adds Din tilted his head in her direction. "We should go check out the place." If She could see Din's face he would look at (Y/n) in disbelief. How could she be saying this?! Out of all people, (Y/n) would be the only one to understand him. Din is extremely vocal about his want to atone for the crime of removing his helmet.

"No," Din replied voice low and unwavering. The bounty hunters both started at each other in silence unwilling to break. That is one thing Greef knew about them both, too damn stubborn. It felt like hours had passed since Din spoke.

"I-I didn't mean to cause a couples fight." He stutters out.

"We aren't a couple!" (Y/n) and Din both quickly answered. Grogu looked up from his chair with a hand full of red candies.

"I am going with Grogu to look at the parcel. Your beskar ass is more than happy to stay here." (Y/n) replies and shoulder checks Din before picking Grogu up. She turned to Greef who instantly gave her the directions mainly out of fear.

"I said no." Din orders quickly following her out.

"You don't own me!" She yelled on the verge of crying.

"I don't care!" He grabbed her arm pulling her back into his chest. "I want you to marry me. Belong to me and only me!" Din said into her ear. (Y/n) shivers at the idea of being married to Din, being (Y/n) Djarin, raising Grogu, and having his children.

"Then I want this! I need a home. I want a family. I need stability, Din!" She yelled.

"I will give you that but my creed matters!"

"Matters more than me?! More than Grogu?!" (Y/n) growled causing the child to whimper

"Don't bring him into this." Din warned her.

"Why not? You removed your helmet for him. As a sign of your love. Then you know what we did after." (Y/n) suggested in a way Grogu wouldn't know. "But after that nothing. I waited far too long for you finally to admit you want to be with me. I won't marry you. Din, I understand that you feel you have to do this because they took you in and saved you. Made you a Mandalorian. But I figured being with me, with Grogu, and starting a family would mean more. But I guess I was wrong." Din kept silent and slowly let's his grip go.

"I love you. Please don't do this." He begged.

"Do what?! As for a life? For a family! I want this for us Din! I love the Galaxy and traveling but I need a home."

"You and Grogu are my home." Din cups her cheek but (Y/n) pulls away.

"This , us, whatever this is. I'm done." She turned away letting the tears fall leaving him standing there defeated.

Don't you know too much already?

I'll only hurt you if you let me

Call me friend but keep me closer (call me back)

And I'll call you when *my missions* over

It has been a week since they argued. She did not see a trace of Din. Greef on the hand talked about how Din is a complete mess. The man has not left Nevarro's local pub until they kicked him out at the end of the night. (Y/n) tried to be happy living here but without Din to hold her at night...she could not sleep. How selfish was she!? Din loved her and wanted to get married...But their stubbornness got the better of them.

"He needs you." Greef sat down in the dining room chair. Currently, Grogu sat in the highchair as you feed him. "I never would have mentioned it...If I knew it would cause problems."

"No, you did nothing wrong. I felt this way...After Grogu left. Din and I want the same thing but in different ways." Grogu whimpers at his dad's name. "We traveled with Grogu all that time. It wasn't until we left that he finally admitted how he felt. Din removed his helmet and...he was an apostate. They took him in after losing his home. Din almost died but these Mandalorians saved him. He feels dedicated to them but I...I need stability now." (Y/n) frowns.

"I offered him a nice hotel. Din refused. He is located here." Greef gave her an address. "Din is in a cheap motel. Let me have the baby. He needs time with Uncle Greef." The man beems and Grogu squeals knowing he could get away with anything being with Greef.

"Fine. Mind your manners Grogu or else you will be in trouble." (Y/n) tone is motherly she crossed her arms giving the baby a look.

But nothin' is better sometimes

Once we've both said our goodbyes

Let's just let it go

Let me let you go

A knock came on the door and Din quickly opened the door. (Y/n) is caught off guard being met with a pair of soft brown eyes. "Please don't leave me." Din's unfiltered voice almost cause her to fall to her knees and beg his forgiveness. "Please I love you too much." He whispered pulling (Y/n) into a passion-filled kiss. The female melts and becomes putty in his strong arms. She pushed him back and quickly shuts the door. Din groaned feeling her body pressed against his.

"I won't leave you, Din." She responds.

"Let me...try and atone. If I can't then I'll come back here with you and Grogu. We will make a life." He whispered and (Y/n).

"Take me..." She begged. That is all Din needed to hear before making love to her all day long.

[frownyalfred]

Apologies for the extremely long ask.

Omegaverse as a concept is so complicated and interesting as to me as a trans person.

On the one hand, the writer in me is intrigued by the world building implications and the opportunity to explore gender roles/dynamics. The concept of having a secondary dynamic alongside your actual gender is also fascinating to me and it's something I typically would have expected to be in something like sci-fi before I actually got into fanfiction.

I especially love deep diving into pack dynamics. Admittedly, that's where most of my interest and attention is focused on when reading and writing Omegaverse. I just find the concept so fascinating and any opportunity to write characters with heightened instincts, alien or otherwise, is just so much fun.

But on the other hand, I'm also very aware of how Omegaverse came about because some Supernatural fans wanted to play around with the idea of pack roles/relationships based on a messy study of wolf hierarchies. I'm also aware that intentional or not, a lot of early Omegaverse fics and tropes leaned really heavy into more homophobic and transphobic stereotypes, especially between M/M pairings.

I do feel like this has changed a bit over the years, though. From what I recall, a lot of early Omegaverse fics just really over relied on the stereotypical "which guy is really the girl?" trope that you saw a lot in the early to mid 2000s when discussions of queer (but mostly gay) relationships were brought up. I feel like the discussion has become a lot more nuanced since then and I know there are other trans fic writers like me who enjoy writing Omegaverse simply because it provides an opportunity to explore concepts of gender, sexuality and identity in a relatively fun way.

Not all Omegaverse fics/tropes are created equal, though. And every trans person has a different reaction/feeling towards this AU. I definitely feel like the odd one out, though, sometimes since I mostly come to Omegaverse for pack dynamics, less so for the smut (although I have written some in the past for fun or for friends). But I also believe there's validity in writing smut just for the purpose of enjoying smut.

Overall, I think this AU has a lot of potential, but I also see why it could make people very comfortable. I do wanna say that your fics haven't made uncomfortable and I do enjoy your takes on this trope. And I especially appreciate your willingness to listen to other trans people and their thoughts on Omegaverse. It goes a long way.

Side tangent: I will always be amused by how this whole trope came about btw, but also because the original author of that study followed it up by saying his first paper was absolute bullshit actually and shouldn't be viewed as a factual study of wolf pack hierarchy. Man messed up his original study, but he's a dedicated scientist and I love him for debunking his own work. But also the fact that he had an unintended impact on fandom is such fucking gold to me. I love this man so much.

Thank you for putting my thoughts to words, anon! There's definitely a long history there, and I agree with you that the genre itself has changed a lot in recent years, I think for the better.

I don't begrudge anyone for not liking or wanting to read a/b/o fics at all. I think it's intriguing but has the potential to be deeply uncomfortable or even like you said, transphobic for some people. I try to tag everything very well here that mentions it, etc.

I think what I like most about recent changes is that the genre has shifted to be less about "how can we get these two characters to breed?" and more to discussing pack dynamics, the implications of designations and gender roles, and building interesting biological rules and intricacies in an author-unique universe.

[m00nz-artpad]

Introducing; the girls!

Olivia (top left), Jules (top right), Alexi (bottom left), and Alyssa (bottom right).

They are my four major OCs. Olivia is for X-Men (and basically whatever other crazy AU I create bc I am mentally ill) Alexi is a Bully/GTA OC, Jules is my Gorillaz OC, and Alyssa is my major comfort OC - and oldest - being for Devil May Cry, My Babysitter's a Vampire, and Supernatural.

For anyone who doesn't know these lovely ladies, here's the basic rundown of each leading woman:

Alyssa Redgrave, being the oldest and most updated OC I have, is Dante's daughter. Her age often spans from fourteen up to mid-twenties. She's a nephilim in the same vain as DMC: Devil May Cry Dante and Vergil, and even has the same sort of shit attitude as him, as she was based off of him. She's half devil and half archangel and in the SPN storyline, she's very close to Gabriel and Castiel as they are her family. Lucifer is consistently trying to convince her to "let go" because she's still very terrified of her demon half, thus giving her a consistent moral dilemma of whether to follow in Dante's footsteps or take her own path. She's also extremely traumatized due to the horrors she's faced ever since she was a child.

Juliette "Jules" Tusspot is 2-D's little sister. She's a rhythm guitarist for the band and has a very, VERY complicated relationship with Murdoc. She's the second oldest OC I have and is one who's changed the most over the years. Initially she was just an outlier in the story, but she has since taken up her own storyline as not only a musician but also a mother, being the only OC I have who canonically has a child. She's also the kindest out of the girls, making her very likely to be the most pleasant to be around.

Alexi Castillo Torres is the second youngest, her story starting from the age of fifteen and going up into her twenties and thirties. She's obsessed with Tiffany Valentine and actively tries to look like her. She's Colombian and is the daughter of an infamous criminal who sent her to Bullworth Academy solely to keep her safe. After graduation, she moves to Los Santos and begins a life of crime where she becomes a dangerous and powerful crime boss.

Olivia Hope Howlett is a much more recent OC. Created for X-Men, her story takes place within three different fandoms primarily (at least for her canon storyline); X-Men, Red Dead Redemption 1 and 2, and Heroes NBC. She's a former outlaw who had suffered from amnesia and was close with Arthur, so much so that she viewed him as her older brother and protector. She was also in love with Javier Escuella and the two even got married in the early 1900's after she freed him from execution. She has witnessed everyone around her die and suffers from immense trauma from it, and after promise from William Stryker that her memories would be erased she joined the Weapon X program. However, something went horribly wrong and she became the first "business mistake" for the program as she ended up murdering everyone who got too close to her due to her feral rage (essentially Logan's bezerker rage) being untamed and extremely dangerous. After this, she lives as a drifter for a long time before settling down in New York and beginning to work as a waitress. She meets Peter Petrelli and they form a very close relationship, one that Olivia is scared of because everyone she loves dies. Liv's entire storyline is one of the more fleshed out and intense storylines of all four of the characters and much like Logan, she suffers from extreme and intense trauma and has an equally bad attitude.

[polariskai]

txt prompts/blurbs/writing ideas.

⋆ hey hi hello !! so I have around 738272 txt au works in my drafts and I know that I will most probably never get to write any of these so I decided to just post some of them here as writing ideas.

⋆ I've discarded this works for mainly two reasons. for one, it was quite tedious for me to conceptualize or write. two, I just ost interest in writing them lol

⋆ I would also like to say that for these writing ideas, you can freely use them and no need for credit. These can also be used for other fandoms as well, I labeled them as txt writing ideas because originally these were really intended for them. If you do use them though, I would like to be tagged hehe

. . . . . . . .

[ LEGEND ] ☂︎ : angst , ♡ : fluff

CHOI YEONJUN °

— man of my dreams | ☂︎

yeonjun was everything you’ve ever wanted. You loved and adored him so much, or so you thought. You have created fantasies of him in your head and once they began to crumble down, soon you were hammered with the reality of how he truly was to you . After a bitter breakup, you wonder on who's end does the fault of the relationship lie on. Was it your fault for creating this unhealthy and unrealistic idea of him, being oh so in love with the idea of him than him, really? Or was it yeonjun’s fault for failing to meet your expectations and be a good partner to you that it drove you to create another ideal version of him?

› ideal as a oneshot

› has a complete outline already ! just dm me if you want it

— the villain's savior | ☂︎♡

you are devastated when you find out your favorite character in the Isekai romance fantasy manhwa you were reading, the second lead turned villain, choi yeonjun is on the brink of death on the last chapter update. the next day, you wake up shocked and confused to see a boy who looks extremely identical to yeonjun laying on your couch, in the same exact bloody and injured state in the last chapter you saw yeonjun in.

CHOI SOOBIN °

— summer flame | ♡

choi soobin. the one boy that somehow always gets on your nerves for the most ridiculous reasons. from leaving his pencil shavings on your desk to wearing a teenage mutant ninja turtles shirt to your acting project, you just couldn't stand being around him even if he was the last person on earth. But what happens when you're forced you to spend almost two weeks of your summer with the one person you despise the most?

› has a complete outline already ! just dm me if you want it

CHOI BEOMGYU °

— love is sour grapes | ☂︎

a hanahaki au wherein you only get the disease if you assume the one you love doesn't love you back. the only way you can reverse the damage is by removing every single memory you have of that person through a surgical procedure. not even reciprocated love can save you.

you and beomgyu are childhood friends. your relationship over the years became pretty complicated. there was something blooming between the two of you but you were too scared to put the label and commit to it. beomgyu on the other hand has confessed and has been patiently waiting for more than a year for an answer. at some point, what ends up blooming instead are the petals threatening beomgyu's lungs.

KANG TAEHYUN °

— game on! | ☂︎♡

you and kang taehyun go head to head on a battle to becoming the student council president on your senior year. the conflict really arises when the results come and it's revealed you guys got a tie in the score tally. the school schedules a re-election on the next month. and neither of you plan on accepting defeat, you both constantly bicker and pull pranks on each other. In a party set on the day before your re-election debate, you and taehyun find yourselves stuck in a different type of tension.

[cheesybadgers]

Shipper Tag Game

Thank you for the tag @thesilversun ❤️

1. What ship were you completely obsessed with when you were a teenager, but now you don't care about anymore? I'm trying to think back to what I was even into as a teen...I read and wrote bandfic around my early to mid teens, but I'm not naming the bands 😂 Beyond that, there was Buffy/Angel from Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Sam/Gene from Life on Mars, Fraser/Ray K from Due South, Sirius/Lupin from Harry Potter. The only one of those I couldn't care less about anymore is the last one...the rest just make me feel nostalgic.

2. Which ship would you consider your first one? I can't even remember?? Probably something like Leia/Han in Star Wars, but I wouldn't have known to call it 'shipping' back then.

3. Your first fanfic was about which couple? It was a reader insert bandfic but I really don't want to talk about that lol.

4. Do you remember the first couple you saw fanart of? No clue at all.

5. Have you ever gotten into ship discourse? No. I avoid stuff I'm not into and don't get why everyone else can't just do the same.

6. Did you use to have any NOTP or have one currently? I used to be less open to multi-shipping involving the same characters when I was younger. Now, depending on characters/circumstances, I'm much more inclined to say throw them all in together and analyse the results lol.

Having said that, I hated what Sense8 did by inserting Dani into Lito's and Hernando's relationship. They could have done poly rep in literally any other way than how they did it, but what actually happened was just weird and creepy.

7. Who were the couple in the last fanfic you read? Carmen/Richie from The Bear. I wasn't even really into it when I first watched the show, but after re-watching with my husband, I needed to scratch an itch I didn't even know I had.

8. Currently, do you have any OTPs? I never used to really think I did, but now, after spending the past 3 years writing a longfic for Javier/Horacio from Narcos, they're always going to hold a very special and unique place in my heart ❤️

9. Is there any couple that, to this day, you are extremely mad about not getting together? Not that I can think of, because in my mind, shipping is largely an entirely different thing to canon. It bears no relevance to the events of canon a lot of the time and fan fic means you can do whatever you want anyway. More often than not, my favourite ships tend to be non-canon, so I treat the two things separately in my brain.

10. Is there any ship you used to dislike but now you think they are kind of interesting? Not dislike, no. More likely never really considered before until a lightbulb switches on in my brain (maybe during a re-watch or if something happens in a new episode) and suddenly, I'm interested.

11. Do you have any ship that, in the past, would've been considered normal but now you would be cancelled over? Don't think I'm important enough to be 'cancelled' lol, but I find shipping in general in fandom has become kind of vanilla and bland. People get really hung up on what is and isn't canon and miss the nuance of messy, complicated relationships and dynamics between characters. They stay away from a lot of rarer pairings and stick closely to the fandom-approved or actor-approved 'purer' ships. A lot of people say they want queer stories and characters, but when they're presented with actual queer sex and desire, the pearl clutching begins. I know this isn't true of all fandoms, but it's a pattern I've noticed over the last few years.

12. What is your favorite crack ship? Lalo/Howard from Better Call Saul.

13. What is the couple you read the most fanfics about? Probably McKirk from AOS Star Trek. I haven't read any for years, but there was a period about 10/11 years ago where I couldn't get enough of them. Stucky from the MCU is probably a close second...and most of that came in the form of fix-it fics after Endgame 😂

14. What do most of your ships usually have in common? Always carrying unresolved trauma, they're usually criminals, often violent/have killed people, always morally grey and they have a shared history with each other that goes back further than canon shows us.

15. What you absolutely hate in a ship? I can't stand love triangles where one party has to pick between two others when the obvious answer is either a) both or b) neither. Not a fan of big age gap relationships (unless they're non-humans and are hundreds/thousands of years old). Or when character A gives up everything for character B, but character B doesn't have to make an equivalent sacrifice (they need to be burning down the world for each other tbh, otherwise what's the point?). Or when the ship is presented as 'forbidden love' but there aren't actually any major obstacles in their way and it's mostly a lot of unnecessary melodrama. Love at first sight doesn't do anything for me either. Lust/obsession? Hell yeah. But I need more slowburn/history before the L word is thrown around.

No pressure tagging: @mariamariquinha, @thoroughlymodernminutia, @ejunkiet, @evilbunnyking and anyone else who wants to answer these!

[biblioflyer]

Raffi & JL before the fall, The Raffi Controversy, Picard s1e3 Rewatch.

Who was Raffi before she became the messy person we meet fourteen years after Mars? One flashback isn’t much, but it may be richer in detail than one might expect at first glance. Of course this is also a story that is still being written and those caveats definitely apply.

This is part of a series of essays reevaluating Star Trek Picard and interrogating the widely held fandom criticism that Picard made the Federation into a Dystopia.

It is worth recalling that season three is apparently exploring Raffi’s backstory to some degree or another and a more fuller picture of the character and her place within the narrative and the setting is coming into view.

The Raffi we see immediately after Mars seems extremely impressive. She correctly anticipated every objection Starfleet Command would raise to a renewed effort to evacuate Romulan space. She seems like a very effective aide de camp to Picard. As nicknames go, I wasn’t super fond of J.L., but the familiarity hints at a strong working relationship and that Picard allows Raffi a degree of latitude that perhaps other subordinates haven’t had.

Why might that be? My theory is that Picard’s secret hobby is adopting strays. That is to say, he’s the sort of classical command officer who is defined by his ability to spot talent in rough crewmen who are struggling to apply their gifts in Starfleet and for Starfleet to recognize those gifts. 

This archetypal character loves to rehabilitate troubled officers less through force of unrelenting discipline, but by recognizing that some people need to not just be told what the rules are and be punished for breaking but instead need to understand them and believe in the rules (and themselves.) See also Commander William Adama and Kara Thrace, or Honor Harrington and….everyone she encounters (don’t @ me about David Weber, I’m well aware he and his body of work are.....a bit complicated, I just think the character of Honor embodies this archetype well.)

This is precisely the situation that defines Seven and Shaw’s relationship in Season 3. Seven knows the rules but doesn’t value them, Shaw understands the rules but is so submissive to authority that it makes him incredibly reluctant to act outside his mandate or follow his conscience.

While the timeline of Raffi’s life is vague, when she is questioning Picard about the outcome of the meeting with Starfleet Command and anticipating his success, she presents as oriented, intelligent, and driven. Season three provides a bit more context as well for the circumstances in which she found herself in Starfleet, but I am on the fence as to whether including it here represents “cheating” and if it makes judging season one on its own merits unfair.

To allude to season three without spoiling it, it's implied that Raffi has always possessed an inner darkness inclined towards quickly becoming irritated with small minds who can’t see what she sees and Starfleet seems to have been an opportunity to either start over or put her skills towards a higher purpose.

Her breaking point, at least in this scene, seems to be Picard’s resignation and the collapse of the Romulan relief effort. She quickly becomes angry and turns on Picard, infuriated by the hubris of him believing he was indispensable. She lashes out, citing a future for him comfortably retiring to Chateau Picard and writing his memoirs and compares it to her own future, which she immediately assumes to be bleak.

One might be justified in assuming that Raffi has not had the best of luck with commanding officers, whereas Picard had the finesse to coax her talents out of her while tolerating or disarming her more difficult traits. Alternately, Raffi is a person adrift without a clear purpose to focus her energies upon.

As I've alluded to a few times, I've known and loved a few Raffis. Getting through the outer defenses is challenging. Riding the maelstrom even tougher. They are more deserving of patience and compassion than they know, but they'd be a whole lot easier to appreciate if they could know it.

[xalsirarts]

!!!PLEASE READ!!!

Oc Lore/TW DV:

Meet one of Ellie's ex's (they started dating a few months after Ellie becomes a pasta). As you can tell- he's not very nice (he's actually walking garbage).

Lik (LICK) is an oc I made to process my issues and truama from my toxic relationship (a decade of mind games I'm still dealing with every day). He's some kind of gargoyle, so yeah, he has the same body resistance and strength and density as stone. Pebble brain (he literally doesn't understand that he is being toxic and is a narcissist. Ex: Jeff knows he is a d!ck and will toxicly explode his emotions on someone, so he purposefully denies himself those interactions - even if that furthers the anger he has towards not being involved).

I understand that you may not like Lik or be upset with his character- but that's also the point. I MADE HIM TO BE HATED.

TW/DV: Ellie and Lik's relationship is physically, emotionally, and even sensually toxic and ab*sive. Ellie doesn't tell anyone (the complicated and psychological gaslighting survivors do to themselves in order to survive the frequent and repetitive truama). Jeff ends up finding out and helps her realize that what Lik is doing is NOT okay(Jeff understands how easy it is for someone like him to slip into harmful behaviors, wether or no he means to. Lik doesn't think he has done anything wrong and if "Ellie hadn't ____-" then she wouldn't "need a lesson".

Ellie and Jeff's "relationship" is extremely complicated and toxic in its own way that latches and feeds off of the codependency of two unstable and desperate individuals in different ways (its a fandom full of cerial munchers- things are toxic and complicated).

That being said, my creepypasta AU HC is very dark and complicated as it is based off experiences in my life mixed with my interpretations of the creepypasta from my years in the fandom; finding Jeff the Killer's creepypasta video after watching SMILE(mlp) back in 2011. I've been in the fandom/watching the drama throughout the past 12 years and have incorporated my experience and connections and some actual history into the lore of my pasta HC.

Ellie's lore is also very intense and is based off of the real story of the "radiation man" as well as the phenomenon of 411 cases and the dark side of child exploitation (it's been happening since long before the internet-). She has a complicated love life, including many inappropriate relationships and even a "failed" marriage??

There are obvious things about Ellie's story that might make people combat the details (I get it- she wouldn't be green she would literally have nothing being able to stick to her bones as her DNA would literally be melting from the radiation) but also- Jeff wouldn't be white and his hair wouldn't have turned black. So shush- that's the fun of creepypasta is bull s-ing your own lore and facts (while still being respectful to others and their own HC/AUs).

If you have an issue/jealous of someone's AU or feel like there is "only one real one"- think of it like the multiverse.

!!!PLEASE DO NOT ROMANTICIZE LIK OR ELLIE'S TOXIC/DV RELATIONSHIP WITH HIM! MANY INTERACTIONS BETWEEN THE TWO CAN BE CONNECTED BY TO MY OWN EXPERIENCES! -CREEPYPASTA HAS ALWAYS BEEN AN OUTLIT TO EXPRESS/EXPLORE THE DARK PARTS OF LIFE IN A SAFE WAY(for myself an many others, especially since covid)! TO HAVE A HEALTHY OUTLIT TO RELIVE THE TRUAMA AND PROCESS IT INSTEAD OF SURVIVING THE MEMORIES OVER AND OVER IS SOMETHING I CHARISH IN FINDING WITHIN THE CREEPYPASTA FANDOM!!!

THANK YOU FOR READING <3<3<3<3<3

[juniperhillpatient]

Actually, I'm bored & feel like expanding on that. It's very frustrating when online fandoms talk about wanting to see nuanced & complicated relationships & characters but then can't even handle the moral complexities of a kid's cartoon. So many people fall so deep into emotional parasocial relationships with these characters that it becomes impossible to actually hold meaningful conversations about the characters & what they mean in the story. And I mean "parasocial relationships" built on both love AND hate. Setting aside how odd I personally think it is to love either Azula or Zuko & hate the other considering they're BOTH traumatized victims of an imperial nation & a father that valued his own power over his family - the constant debate over whether one of them "abused" the other just COMPLETELY detracts from actually examining their characters & their relationship. There's nothing WRONG with having a parasocial or emotional reaction to a character but some people have allowed it to cloud their ability to discuss things rationally

It's a semantic debate & it's a waste of time. It's a lot more interesting to talk about the way OZAI pitted them against each other in a war for his affection & respect. Azula was a prodigy but - in my opinion, more importantly from Ozai's perspective - she was respectful & behaved exactly how HE wanted her to. Zuko struggled with this & acted out - he was emotional, he was intense, & he was loud about his opinions, all things that Ozai found frustrating culminating in Zuko's disfigurement & banishment. Then Azula was left alone with Ozai for YEARS to be even further indoctrinated by him. Zuko built up an idea of Azula who could do no wrong & found everything easy, & he was very jealous. But as we see by the end, Azula was actually under an insane amount of pressure to ACT perfect for fear of disappointing her father. By the time they're reunited Azula has already been ordered to capture Zuko leading to fighting before, & Zuko is having doubts about the war while Azula remains certain about Fire Nation ideology. This led to an extremely COMPLICATED & interesting dynamic that's been pretty much my favorite to explore since I joined this fandom & it's absolutely bizarre & annoying to me how any discussion about it devolves into "but Azula was mean to Zuko as a kid that's literally abuse" or "but Zuko did this in the comics (shut up about the comics shut up about the comics shut up) & also Azula has never done anything wrong ever when you really think about it" & BOTH sides are just missing the point COMPLETELY

[villainsandvictimsalliance]

Dabi has such a loving heart, one that was shattered and broken by Endeavor over and over. I think he does still care about his siblings on some level but I don't think he regards them as family any more. He has a new family, a found family. One that he would do anything to protect. When Twice was killed he was furious even if Hawks couldn't see it. I think about this so much. He is so loving and caring even if he doesn't show it. He treats Himiko like and annoying little sister and Tomura like and annoying older brother/cousin/relative.

This is another great discussion of the fandom.

Whether or not Dabi thinks about the Todorokis and the League of Villains as family, how much does Dabi care about each group...

If you want my opinion, I think right Now Dabi sees himself as a lonely being.

He thinks of the Todorokis as his past family and he still has the level of affection he felt for them once, but since so much has changed, he feels very distant and maybe he doesn't even think he can go back to them.

He can't also see the League as a family, in terms that we know he cares about them but I think he feels that type of family connection... Or so he believes.

The trick is on the choice. The Todorokis can become his family once more and the League can become a found family for him, but only if Dabi allows them to do so. He has distance himself on purpose. He keeps closing himself and not letting them in. There's no forming a family with Dabi in those terms.

The Todorokis have no way of knowing how Touya thinks about them right now. We, the readers, know he still cares enough to refer to them in family terms, but how are the Todorokis supposed to know that? Shouto and Enji are the ones who have had the most contact with Touya in the last years, and Enji twists everything in his mind while Shouto is surprisingly the most considerate about Touya's feelings, even when they weren't the closest when they still lived together.

When it comes to the League... It's complicated. They have shown Dabi affection and care, they have accepted him and his rage and has provided a place where Dabi can exists in parallel to his hurting. Dabi might not seen them as a family because he is a little more traditional. The concept of family he has is very broken. Besides, the League has a more complex relationship. They all are very volatile and extreme. Dabi might know they are too disfunctional as a group and he might be cautious when it comes to getting into another family where he can ends up getting really hurt.

What I'm sure of is that he cares about both groups in a similar way. He has this discourse of doing things only for his benefit, both with the Todorokis and the League, that speaks a lot about he distances himself and turns himself unavailable for closer connections.

I think he needs both groups in order to get better. There's a side of Touya that only the Todorokis can understand and help with. He needs a family capable of recognizing and correcting his destructive side. He can't keep living like he's been, that'd kill him.

He needs the League too. After all, they've been through much together. I don't think the hero society would ever understand completely his hurt and anger, not the way the League does. The years on the streets, being manipulated, what they have done to survive, who they became and what they've seen... I think (as crazy as it sounds) that having a group of people who share your feelings and life experiences could help a lot.

It's not a matter of which group replaces the other or which group is the original. Dabi/Touya needs support right now to heal, and the more he has the better. He needs friends and family and found family and a lot of people pouring all their love on him, so he knows that he can simultaneously be responsible and pay for his actions, while stop being miserable and suffering.

[swashbucklery]

It's funny because the way you worded it makes it sound like adult women can't have moms

as;ldfkjas;lsdaf; look. LOOK.

Adult women have moms but their moms are other, MUCH OLDER, adult women. And yes it's complicated because you get into the nature of found-family and if you're born a thirty year old woman and your mom is a twenty something year old woman who is chronologically seventeen but she accidentally conjured you from the ashes of a dead time-spaceship can she be your mom? Technically, perhaps, yes.

However, is it possible to just - love someone intensely, powerfully, protectively, without slotting that love into the easily-digestible mold of the traditional nuclear family. Is it possible to love intensely, not-quite-friends-ly, in a way that is nebulous and fuzzy and blurs the lines in a way that can be, dare I say, queer? Is it possible to take those feelings that can sometimes be maternal - feeling a responsibility for that person’s well-being, worry and care over them - and recognize that those feelings can also be the seeds of deep romantic, platonic, or queerplatonic love? Also yes.

And I think, on a metatextual level, the reason this annoys me is partly because a) I’m craving soft queer stories and there aren’t a lot of them on TV that hit the right niche these days. Legends often fills that niche for me just great, and when these types of dynamics go unlabelled it leaves exactly the right little nooks and crannies for the fanon interpretations that my heart wants. Like sometimes a person creates you de novo from the ashes of a dead time-spaceship and that person is your mother and sometimes that person becomes the best friend and lover that you didn’t know you were missing in your life and sometimes both can be true at once, you know? And sometimes a lack of specificity allows room for play and daydreaming more than labels.

But also b), which is sort of a-1), the changes in the dynamics of modern shipping culture have evoked much more of a culture of like - canonizing these details in a devotional way, not just a narrative continuity way. Where fandom starts policing like - you can’t ship these two, their relationship has been declared officially This Way and playing in the interpretation of Reading Them That Way is now Wrong. And a lot of this is, I think, a hopefully unintended but extremely irksome-to-me consequence of the conflation between shipping and activism that has been happening in the past few years.

And so my annoyance is this complex blend of like. I wish this had been left unlabelled because I see it differently, and also I wish this had been left unlabelled because I want to write fic based on the way I see it but I don’t want to have someone slide into my dms like ummmm this is ~incest~ and you’re ~gross~, you know?

[greensaplinggrace]

honestly THANK YOU for saying all that abt baghra bc i thought i was going crazy from not liking her??? bc i haven't read the books and only summaries of them on wiki and like. i dunno why ppl like her actually even in the show bc this guy, her son, is like "i wanna make the world better for us grisha" and she's just like "no." even tho he sees that she's MAKING HERSELF SICK from suppressing her powers! she's literally like in bed coughing in the flashback yet seem much healthier at the little palace. also like after everything, after her disapproval, after the fold, after centuries of waiting for the sun summoner.. he never abandons her. he makes sure she's cares for. he doesn't harm her. and i have to wonder if baghra has ever thanks him for that, for just not leaving her alone. like i dunno how im suppose ro believe aleks is a heartless villain when he still cares for his abusive mom like this. like has baghra even told her she loved him (honestly she reminds me of a classic emotionally unavailable asian parent but maybe that's just me). also im wondering if baghra ever told aleks that he had an aunt.. bc like.. now that u bring up her isolating him it's like hmmmm...

not at me being like alina... why do u trust the bitter old woman who literally beats u with a stick and verbally abuses u every chance she gets.. just bc she showed a bad painting... like.. pls use two braincells to see that who u figured out as his mother... is also using his protection..

like baghra could've upped and left with alina. but no. she stayed bc she knew she was safe under aleks's protection.

alsoim just impressed that after his first friend tried to drown him and harvest his bones... he didn't go into hiding???? he still wanted to make a safe heaven for grisha!!! HE STILL WANTED TO PROTECT GRISHA EVEN AFTER HIS GRISHA FRIEND TRIED TO KILL HIM FOR HIS FUCKEN BONES. like... this is the guy im suppose to believe is the villain???

honestly i feel like part of the reason why LB's plotlines seem so bad and disconnected (and sometimes outright racist but that's another rant) and why darkles is disproportionately more violent and villainous in the later books is bc she didn't expect the darkling to be so popular and wanted to stick with her guns of making him the villain. but also wanted the money from aleks's popularity. but like you can't have ur cake and eat it too.

Well thank you for sending this ask! It's very sweet and very passionate. I'm glad you liked my post! I didn't put as much thought into it as some of my others lol. I kind of just talked. But it was nice to be able to finally talk about some of the problems I have with both her character and the fandom/author's perception of her.

HERE is the post this is referring to, in case anyone's wondering.

👀👀 You've hit the nail on the head for so many things, here!

Baghra is extremely emotionally unavailable, basically to the point of neglect. She's also verbally and physically abusive, traits which I doubt were only reserved for her students and not her son. Baghra claims she would do anything to protect him, but I've known a lot of parents who have that mindset and yet still harm their children because they think it's "good for them".

Aleksander stays at Baghra's side for years, and even when they're opposing each other she's never too far away from him. Idk if you've read the books but he does eventually hurt her. And as much as I don't like Baghra, I think his actions were horrid. But I'm also honestly kind of surprised it took him so long lmao.

Yeah I mean, in terms of isolation, let's not forget that she never wanted to introduce him to his father, either. Baghra's sense of eternity clouds a lot of her judgments on relationships, which means she views most people as dust and therefore teaches her son to as well. The problem with that is that he's a growing child, and he needs those social and emotional attachments for healthy development.

I would bet quite a bit of money that Baghra has either never told him she loves him or she has told him so few times it's practically forgettable.

And everything becomes more complicated because so many of Baghra's actions are understandable because of her life and her history, but the impacts they have on the people around her, especially Aleksander, are permanently damaging. And the fact that that's never gone over in critical depth in the books or how it's glossed over in fandom is just very disconcerting. Like, acknowledging Baghra's failings doesn't mean we're excusing Aleksander's actions, it just means we're holding Baghra liable for her own. Which the fandom should be doing, considering she's the epitome of an abusive parental figure.

And Alina trusting Baghra over Aleksander is even more confusing! Especially in the show!! This is the woman who beat her and abused her and tortured her friends when they tiny little children (and who probably still does so now that they're adults). This is the woman who mocks you and harasses you and insults you on a regular basis. Why does Baghra revealing she's Aleksander's mother make Alina change her mind?! Like fuck, I'd just feel bad for Aleksander. No wonder he kept it a secret, I would too! And that painting is enough evidence?! Really?! A random painting shown to you by this abusive mentor that's been making your life hell. That's what you're going to betray your new lover over?

The friends trying to harvest his bones thing is a good point, too. I think Aleksander, especially show Aleksander, is incredibly idealistic. I think he cares too much for others - those he's deemed worth his care (a sentiment given to him by Baghra). Despite everything she's tried to teach him about hiding and abandoning others and never caring and never doing anything to help or reach out or connect with people, Aleksander still continues to do so. It's likely because he never got it from Baghra growing up, and so is desperate for those emotional needs to be fulfilled elsewhere.

His turning point, when Baghra tells him it was understandable that those kids tried to kill him because the world is such a hard place for them - that's crucial. And the reason it's possible as a motivating factor is because of that idealism and that desire to help and that desire to be everything his mother isn't. Baghra tells him this trauma he just experienced was because of the oppression of his people, and instead of following her lead and accepting that, going into hiding and abandoning everybody to their misery, he goes I can do something about that. I can make it so this never happens again. Which is usually how trauma like that combines with one's core personality traits at a young age, especially when there's none of the essential support systems in place to aid in recovery (ie, the role Baghra should have been filling but wasn't, because she decided to exacerbate the problem instead).

And yeah, one of my biggest problems with the ham-fisted "beating you over the head with a sledgehammer of evil deeds" look-how-bad-this-character-is! portrayal of the Darkling in the later books comes from the impression I get that Bardugo doesn't trust her readers. She's so desperate to have us hate this character and think him an irredeemable villain, not trusting any of her readers to engage critically with a morally gray character, that it feels quite a bit like condescending fucking bullshit. Which ew, I know how to engage with literature, thanks.

She really does seem to look down on a large part of her fandom, and imo, the infantilization of the female characters in her books seems to carry over to her impression of most of her female readers as well. Which is why the Darkling's character arc gets fucking destroyed. But he's still a good cash grab, of course, so she'll shake his dead corpse in front of the fandom for money every time she wants something from it.

Also! Another reason I think her plotlines feel disconnected (I'm sorry Bardugo I respect you as a person, but shit-) is because the writing in SaB is just bad. I mean, nevermind the absolutely nauseating implications of the way she portrays the Grisha as a persecuted group who's situation is never actually fully addressed as it should be, considering Grisha rights is what her main villain is fighting for (imo for a series called the Grishaverse, LB seems to be pretty anti Grisha), but her characters and story alone are just wrong for each other. They don't fit together.

And the ending is one of the main pieces of evidence in that regard! You can’t say the ending where Alina isn’t Grisha anymore is her “going back to where she started” when she’s always been Grisha. She just didn’t know she was Grisha because she denied that part of herself that she was born with.

Alina is reluctant to move forward or change, she struggles with adapting, and she’s very set on the things she’s grown attached to throughout her life. She also has some latent prejudices against the Grisha, and so denies the possibility of being Grisha for those reasons as well.

Alina’s lack of powers in the beginning of her life because she willfully doesn’t learn about them to avoid change versus her lack of powers at the end of the book when she’s accepted them and then they’re stripped away from her by outer forces are two entirely separate circumstances. You can’t make a parallel about lost powers and lack of Grisha status bringing her back to the start when she was always Grisha and she always had powers and she simply refused to come to terms with it because of personal reasons.

The first situation is an internal conflict that indicates a story about growth and a journey of self acceptance. Denying herself the opportunity to learn about her heritage and to find acceptance with a group of people like her because she’s tied to the past and because of the way she was raised is the setup for a narrative that tackles unlearning prejudice and learning how to connect with a part of her identity that was denied her and learning how to grow independent and self assured. It’s the setup for a different story entirely. The second situation is an external conflict that centers around the ‘corrupting influence of power’... for some reason.

In a world where Grisha do not have social, political, or economic power and they are hunted, centering your heroine’s journey of self acceptance and growth around an external conflict about... the corrupting influence of power (in a group of people that don’t actually have any power?!) just doesn’t work. It is literally impossible to connect the two stories Bardugo is trying to push in Shadow and Bone without seriously damaging the main character’s developmental arc.

The only way a narrative like this would work, claiming that she has gone back to where she started, is either a) if the Grisha weren’t actually a persecuted group and instead were apart of the upper class, or b) if the one bad connection between the two instances is acknowledged - that Alina denied a part of herself crucial to self acceptance and growing up, and that losing her powers at the end has also denied her. It is a tragedy, not a happy ending.

Alina suffered because she didn’t use her powers. She grew sick. It was bad for her. This was not a resistance to 'the corruption of power and the burden of greed', it was her suffering because she couldn’t fully accept herself.

Framing the ending as a return to the beginning can’t be done if you don’t address how bad the beginning was for your main character. You brought her back to a bad point in her life. You regressed her. This should be a low point in her arc. It should be a problem that’s solved so she can finish developing organically or it should be something that is acknowledged as a tragedy in it’s own right, for the future the world (the writing) denied her.

This is a ramble and it makes no sense and I’m really sorry, but my point is that Bardugo put the wrong characters in the wrong story. The character arc required for organic development doesn’t match the story and intended message at all. The narrative doesn’t fit the cast. She's got two clashing stories attempting to work in tandem and she ends up with both conflicting messages that fans still can’t comprehend in her writing and an ending that doesn’t suit her main character to such an impossible degree that it’s almost laughable.

So yeah, there's a few reasons why I think the story and the plot feels so bad and disconnected. I hope you don't mind me making this answer so long! 😅 I was not expecting to write this much.

[brawltogethernow]

What's a ship or character you haven't drawn/written yet, but really want to?

This is a little complicated because if I'm vibing with something extremely hard and don't at least knock out some script-style shitposts for it it's because there's like, an obstacle. Like I'm hyperfocusing on something but specifically the version of it that exists in someone's incomplete AU fanfiction, or it's something that I haven't actually read in over ten years, didn't finish, have no desire to revisit, and remember only some details of, which my brain has still decided it's the season to be obsessed with. If this goes on long enough I will extract the chewiest bits from the thing for use as raw materials in origfic, making the answer "blorbo from my brain" and theoretically diverting the itch somewhere.

...........All that said.

There are... This is going to be a horrifying glimpse into my digital organization system. There are 2500 separate notes on my phone I've filed as Magi. Which is. A manga. About the Arabian Nights, if they were also DnD, with the power of friendship, and socioeconomic-driven political drama?

Most of them are at least vaguely alimor, which is one of the canon relationships. Over two thousand of them are for one AU. I have published *checks* seven. Seven Magi posts and no fic.

For comparison I have like, a thousand notes each under GG and misc. mxtx and about 3.5k each for Marvel and DC, and everything else sorted by fandom is like, significantly lower. There's ~750 ML and nothing else is breaking 500.

The discrepancy is because these Magi entries are, like...okay not BAD, but incoherent. I'm very no thoughts head full about the vibes of this property, and I never landed in a fandom hangout to encourage me to become civilized enough to communicate. I basically spent summer of 2016 to winter of 2018 running through the woods on all fours writing little journal entries to myself about how if Alibaba and Morgiana could fuse like Steven Universe gems their fusion would have the terrifying combination of the former's brainpower and the latter's complete lack of anxiety debuff+ability to kick through granite barefoot, and also a second set of teeth that's only visible when they grin really wide, for reasons.